I am not looking for my circa 1996, 19 year old bum. Only the one that I possessed at the beginning of the summer. A recent cold snap sent me into jeans that seem to have shrunk in the closet. As did the next pair...and the next. I have come to the conclusion that somewhere in the last 2-3 months I must have set down my bum and picked up someone else's. This one doesn't fit me.
I am mentally retracing my July & August steps.
- Maybe I left it at the gym? No I put my gym membership on hold of the summer. That can't be it.
- Maybe it's in the one of the lawn chairs? I clearly remember sitting it there many times with a bag of chips.
- Maybe it's with the empty red wine bottles? There seems to have grown quite a collection.
Truly it's a mystery.
Should you see my bum, could you please let it know that I miss it and I would like it back. We have a cruise planned together for October and I'm worried the port authorities are going to think I'm trying to smuggle in a bag of fish.
