It's a lot of fun! They said
The kids will love it! They said
It's easy! They said
The elf just sits on the shelf and moves from place to place each night...
I should have know better. They are always telling lies.
Like so many before me. I made the mistake of inviting elves to live in my house for the weeks before Christmas. Elves that watch the kids all day, then fly home to Santa to tattle at night.
No common over marketed elf for my children. Nana had 3 elf friends born about the same time she was, so with her help, they came live with us.
At first they were great. Moving happily around the house. Delighting the children and parents alike.
But soon they got lazy, or tired. Let's be fair. It's a busy friggin time for elves. Their heads are over run with super important nonsense. Like which day is pyjama/ugly sweater/dress like a reindeer day at school, or what they gave the bus driver for Christmas last year. So the unthinkable happens.
Let me play it out for you;
The children run down the stairs to see where the elves have landed.
Mom notices they haven't moved since yesterday...or was it the day before.
Children use perfected 'disappointment eyes' to stab said Mother in the heart.
Mom explains that "our elves are older than other peoples elves, moving is harder for them. Sometimes when they find a spot they like, they might just stay there for a couple days and rest."
The next few days are great. Elves move. The everyone's happy.
Then one of the children comes home to share what little Susie's elf does...
No one tells you when you invite an elf into your house that you are entering a parenting competition. You think they are just going to plop from place to place in your house. You should have been paying better attention on Facebook.
It's time to call it out. SOME PEOPLE are helping their elves. There is no way that an elf can get into some of the situations I've seen on my Facebook newsfeed.
Elsa froze your elf in a block of ice? Really?
Your elf cut out 4000 paper snowflakes and decorated your entire main level? Really?
Let's not get into the questionable relationship your elf is in with Barbie...
15 Christmas' from now I will be sitting at the supper table with my children. They will be reminding me of how in 2014 our elves didn't show up at all. Or how Molly the dog got the littlest's elf and ate his hat before someone noticed. One of these children will have had their own children, so I will share with them that I still have the contact information for the 3 geriatric elves of their youth. Then I will set it up that the little a-holes are distributed to live with them.
That first morning the elves arrive they will get to see the joy in their children's faces.
I will be sitting, giggling at my own house knowing what is coming.
Sitting in my own quiet house.
Sitting in my too quiet house, where I can remember how soon my own children became too old to care about elves and Santa and the small joys of Christmas...
Dangit. Now I have to go cut 4000 snowflakes.
That's was very enjoyable to read
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