Too many roosters

How many roosters do you see in this picture?

The Answer. Too many.

Here in lies the problem of the 'non-farmer-like' chicken farmer. Should you hatch a collection of eggs, some will be born roosters. In our case. Most will be born roosters.

While this is essentially losing in the chicken genetic lottery. There are many perks to raising a flock of predominately male poultry. 

1) You never need to worry about sleeping past 5:30am.

2) They are happy to provide exercise for the dog.

3) They look pretty....

However as the fall gets colder and the risk of being charged for running a Cock Fighting operation increases, the option of ignoring this situation is getting a little less feasible.

So...more good news. FREE ROOSTERS! 

Everyone needs a rooster. 

Remember 1992 when roosters graced many a kitchen décor item? You miss those days. Don't you?

Let me tell you about a few of your bachelor options

Bachelor number 1 - Bob. Bob is modelling for you the tradition rooster garb. Ever popular in Chinese food restaurant, Bob will add the Feng Shui to your yard.

Bachelor Number 2 - Foxy. Last week Foxy had a tail... He doesn't like to talk about his near death experience. We kindly ask that you don't bring it up while he waits for his prosthetic to arrive.

Bachelor Number 3. Donald. Donald is in love with a duck. He is enthusiastically working to create a new breed of 'Chucks'. But we don't judge. Love is love Donald.

Bachelor number 4 is Chip. Born looking like a chipmunk. He doesn't say much. 

We think he may have a mouthful of nuts.

Bachelor Number 5 is Pat. Pat is gender confused. Chicken on the front. Rooster on the back.  Exotic and rare. Pat has no time for pictures.

Bachelor Number 6 is Molly. A more appropriate name would likely have been Elvis, or King as he's king of the castle around here. But apparently it's Molly, as he comes every time we call the dog.

So I know what you are thinking. It's my lucky day. I'm getting a free rooster! 

But call now. This is a limited time offer. 

Operators are standing by to take your call.

1-800-whatwasIthinking

Have you seen my bum?

Excuse me. I know you are busy but I have lost something very important to me. It seems I have misplaced my bum.
I am not looking for my circa 1996, 19 year old bum. Only the one that I possessed at the beginning of the summer. A recent cold snap sent me into jeans that seem to have shrunk in the closet. As did the next pair...and the next. I have come to the conclusion that somewhere in the last 2-3 months I must have set down my bum and picked up someone else's. This one doesn't fit me.

I am mentally retracing my July & August steps.

• Maybe I left it at the gym? No I put my gym membership on hold of the summer. That can't be it.
• Maybe it's in the one of the lawn chairs? I clearly remember sitting it there many times with a bag of chips.
• Maybe it's with the empty red wine bottles? There seems to have grown quite a collection.

Truly it's a mystery. 

Should you see my bum, could you please let it know that I miss it and I would like it back. We have a cruise planned together for October and I'm worried the port authorities are going to think I'm trying to smuggle in a bag of fish.

Why I do "home parties"

I've worked with hundreds of people in the last five years as a business coach. Never have I sat down with someone that has said  "I really want to do home parties" or "As a child I dreamed about going into peoples homes to share with them a product I believe in". Much more likely, the concern "Do I HAVE to parties?" is voiced.

I confess I was part of the later group. When I considering joining the company I currently represent it was my biggest stumbling block. Although I couldn't put my finger on why. There was something about that idea that made me feel uncomfortable.

I had been given a pull to check out the business and I was desperate to change my life. So I accepted that I might have to do group presentations and I dipped my toe into the business. I was surprised by what I found. Not only did I enjoy meeting new people in a relaxed environment, I learned so much.

Do you know what this is?

I didn't, until Wednesday when the host at my presentation served it. The same night a guest taught me a cool eye make up trick with scotch tape and how to pronounce the Ł in Polish.

In the five years I have been in Network Marketing it has grown in many ways. Home presentations are now only one of the tools we have to reach new customers. Several effective reach out methods have been added in response to our societies increasingly busy lives. In fact in my personal business these events only make up a small portion of my activity. 

Once my biggest concern, group presentations are now among the things I look forward to the most. I meet people that I never would have and learn the coolest things. 

If you are still wondering what that fruit is, check out  http://www.wikihow.com/Eat-a-Persimmon

We manifested a cat

In our house I have been working to get across the idea that 'thoughts are things', the premise behind the 1937 book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill . It's important to me that the kids understand that we can have control over our thoughts and what they think about will come about.

I didn't know they heard me.

Earlier this week a kitten was dropped off at our house. We were sitting on the lawn trying to befriend him and decide what we should do when my 13 year old spotted a bucket a baseballs that we had purchased from a friend on the weekend. "Holy Smokes Mom. We manifested a cat!"

Here lies the problem. I didn't read the parenting chapter on that. So my mind was instantly a muck with 

• He listens?
• What if he's afraid to bring anything into his life with a picture?
• Should I tell him he's right...that he's wrong?
• This is why people don't discuss this shit with kids.

I decided to implement the well used laugh and deflect technique practised for generations of parents without the right answer. 

We will revisit this conversation after I figure out what to do with this cat...

There is a chicken in my bra

I had the wonderful opportunity to grow up on a hobby farm. As a child I had my own horse and the barn was full of donkeys, goats, chickens, rabbits, sheep, ducks, a lama, a couple cows and I'm sure many more critters that I have forgotten about. We used to say that if it was legal for my Mother to buy it, it lived on our farm.

Which is why I am currently typing with a chicken in my bra.

Four years ago at a petting zoo one of my darling children looked up at me and said "Mom is that a goat or a deer?"
What happened in my head at that moment was a bit like a submarine sinking scene in a movie. Flashing red lights and horns were saying WARNING. WARNING. YOU ARE FAILING AS A PARENT. You are raising THAT CHILD.
That child was the kid that would come to our farm to visit and would run and cry when a bunny hopped in his direction. Even though I am aware that I am messing my kids up somehow, there was no way I was raising that child.

Which is why I am currently typing with a chicken in my bra.

I set about to right this wrong by creating our own little farm environment by getting a dozen chickens. Living on a single acre on the edge of town and wanting to stay married, this seemed like the best option. That was three years ago. The chicken adventures were many and our flock of 12 dwindled to three geriatric old hens.

 Which is why I am currently typing with a chicken in my bra.

The plan was to get 12 new eggs and an incubator to restock our little flock. But I made the grave mistake of taking the children with me to the farm to pick them up.
So far we've hatched 24 chickens and a duck.

 Which is why I am currently typing with a chicken in my bra.

24 chickens and 1 odd duck live in a box in my office, safe from the dog. All but one hatched themselves in regular bird fashion. The one we call Miracle didn't. She pipped her hole in the shell, then struggled for 24 hours to make any further progress. I googled. I helped. I shouldn't have.

Which is why I am currently typing with a chicken in my bra.

Miracle is tiny, half the size of the rest of the chicks. We didn't think she'd live past the first day. Which is how she found her name. As in "It will be a miracle if this one lives". The amazing part is that even though she is tiny, she is LOUD. She never shuts up unless someone is holding her. I think now Miracle is more a reflection on the fact that no one has wrung her little neck.

I have work to do today in the office I share with 23 chicks, a duck and the worlds loudest miracle chicken. I don't possess a chicken bjorn.

Which is why I am currently typing with a chicken in my bra.

Jimmy Coo vs. Air Canada

There is a battle going on that few people know about. The airlines are conspiring against the shoe companies by setting ridiculously low weight allowances on luggage, limiting the number of shoes that women can pack during travel.

This is why I am incredibly grateful for business partners with the same shoe size. I didn't plan it that way. I didn't find shoes clustered around a doorway at an event, peak inside, then recruit those that put the same size as me. Shoe size isn't on any questionnaires my future business partners fill out. It wouldn't matter if it was, because people are foot liars. Men lie up and women lie down. This in one of the many things I learned during my highschool career as a Joggers shoe salesperson.

Sometimes luck is in your favor and you can collect a tribe of fellow size 9ers to travel with. All feeling secure in the knowledge that you are going to be able to bail each other out when the shoes you were planning for a big event while traveling over time zones, morphed into something uncomfortable and hideous.

It's just good shoe math.

A selfie stick IS a business tool

When you are born right after Christmas your birthday loses some excitement. Celebrate it 38+ times and the gratitude for being allowed another is gift enough. This year was different though. When my husband asked what I would like for my birthday. I answered right away. "A selfie stick!".

I watched my darling husband fight an internal battle on how to react. He almost hid his horror and concern as he cautiously answered "really?". I confidently answered "As a business tool".

Now if you have been blessed to be with someone more than half your life, like we have. You know when to ask more questions and when to move on. A selfie stick arrived cheerfully wrapped on my birthday.

I know he doesn't get it. He has an office and co workers he sees every day. When you work from home as an Independent Consultant it's different. We only get together a couple times a year, so it's exciting, fun and fills your cup.

You want to capture that shit.